they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
