For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
