i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
