You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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