you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
