you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
