if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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