I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
