I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Plan B is the new Plan A
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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