i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
