After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
God, I missed his penis.
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