there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize