Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
