yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
