sarcasm needs its own font
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
