It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
