A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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