Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
