Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this boner is exhausting
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
