Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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