I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
