Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize