I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
