dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize