Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
