And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
