oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
