I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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