Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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