Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
