Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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