ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
