we have officially lost it.
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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