toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
