Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
