how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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