I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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