Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
