lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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