I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize