I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
