4 words: hood of his car
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
