I can text with my tongue
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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