Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize