I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
