I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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