just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
