Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
