i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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