Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
