It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize