shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dignity is for republicans.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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