this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
