Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
