First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
