I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize