So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
