If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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