we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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