my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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