I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
