It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
