Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
