Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
