u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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