I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
