my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
