Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
