Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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